Talking with the Hubs

So we had a little bedtime chat tonight. It amounted to this.

Life is busy. Life is getting busier. It will likely not slow down anytime soon. Or become any easier. So yes, life is here and now and all about what we do with it.

And it is okay. For the first time in a long time, it is okay. I am not looking to escape it, just get through it with some small measure of grace and maybe a little bit of peace left over.

Chatting with the hubs is good. He completes me in ways I never really think about. And I think I do that for him as well. How blessed I am to have him. Ask me on a different day and my response may not be quite the same but it will still in fact be true.

So we chatted about our kiddos, all 6 plus 1 plus 1 grand) We chatted about extended family. We chatted about Bible study and new jobs and new people in our lives. We chatted about vacations and plans for our future. We chatted about our home, paint and windows and stuff and we chatted about incomes and cars (still loving our new little KIA). We chatted about health and the lack thereof. We chatted about friends.

And finally we chatted about chatting. We need to chat. We need to make time to do this. We need to never stop doing this.

Oh and did I mention? My dear man? He is not a talker. Nope. Not many words there with him. If it needs to be said? He will say it but he is not . . .well, he is not a chatter. Funny, I never noticed tonight and I heard so much in those few minutes of bedtime conversation. Perhaps it is because I needed to hear.

Am I doing this well or even thoughtfully?

I really really like this thought:

I don't get to decide what happens to me in life; often the only decision I get to be a part of is what I do with it after the happening.

So often, life just happens. No matter how intentional we may plan to be or how unintentional our personalities may be (this is where I find myself most often).

Stuff happens.

Good stuff. Bad stuff. Ugly stuff. Sad stuff. Wonderous and Awesome stuff.

How we process this stuff is where I am right now. I am reflective about it. I am living in it. I am wondering about how well I do this.

It's kind of like follow up to an event. The whole "how'd it go, what could we do better, what would we never do again and how can we change this".

Life often doesn't give us do overs. Words can not be gathered back up, rewind and say the better, less abrasive thing. Actions are the same. One chance is what we get. Live and learn many would say.

I am thinking it is more then that. Perhaps it is learn and then live well.

I am being convicted all over again about where my focus, my heart, my attention need to be. Not just some of the time, but all of the time. Each moment in time. When I continually work on those things, the reactions to life? They are much more tempered and better played out. Better thought out.

Basic stuff I know. Just something I need to come back to again and again and remind myself of. Guess the beginning of a new year is a good time to think on these things.

Scriptures are flooding through my mind right now, to many to list but that's the point isn't it? Scripture saturating our minds, overflowing into our lives. Not knowing and parsing the words adn meanings but rather, living them out.

And guess what? I stink at this on my own. Oh I know lots of scripture, a heritage and blessing of my youth for sure, and what I can't quite remember? I am a mean and quick concordance user. But that is just it. I know it, but am I living it?

I know the power of prayer but am I praying? I know the power of scripture but am I letting it guide my every action and more importantly, my reactions? I know the peace offered to me in the security of my Faith, let alone the incredible Power offered there but am I living daily there?

And that about sums it up. I AM sure of what I hope for and certain of what I can not see. And because of that Faith? I need to keep myself infused with that Power, the Power through my Faith in Him who lives within me to react according to His Word and His Will, not my own.

Oh Sweet Jesus, make my ponderings more then words, make them my hearts desire for you in all. Help my wondering heart to come home to you that I may live my life according to your good purpose. Less of me, more of you.

Sooo hard to do some days. You know God, you know.

Yup, so here we are at the close of one year and the beginning of a new one.

Again. For the 46th time for me.

I am finding I write blog post in my head but they never make it on here. I wish they would. They help me process and think through things.

My father in law passed away a few days before Christmas. What a hard day, week and I am quite certain months ahead that was/will be.

My mother in law, she is still with us but really? half of her is gone and she is feeling it in every way possible. When scripture tells us to leave and cleave and become one with our spouse it is for real. Losing someone after 55 years of marraige? I can hardly imagine but I find I do imagine, over and over again and thinking has not been a bad thing this time.

We all only get so much time ya know? I find myself trying ever so hard to be more patient with my kiddos. Love my husband a bit better. Enjoy every moment. It is work. It is hard. But it is not without reward.

Life is all about relationships. I tend to complicate that a lot. I love relationships and have many of them. (Yeah, I am THAT person). I want to be good at those relationships. I really do. But sometimes they get ignored, pushed aside or taken advantage of because? I am human. I want to pay attention and be better at this relationship thing this year.

Oh dear, speaking of this my family seems to need me, I hope to be back on sooner then later.

Happy and Blessed New Year Everyone, Live each moment thoughtfully and fully.

God Gives Perspective

It is so very easy to get lost in your own stuff. I had been doing that of late.

Two Grown children with major life issues confronting them. Teenage children each with their seperate issues.Two little children, again, with their issues. Not one, but two sets of aging parents and yup, their issues! Extended family with issues, does the list never end?

Well, no it does not and neither do the issues end. They just become a part of who we are and how we get through each day.

I have been watching and praying for a young family who has more then their share of issues. What a testiment to their God and their Faith they have been. The transparency and grace with which they move from issue to issue has been such an encouragment to me. And can I just say? My issues? Can't touch the things life is throwing at them right now.

Makes me wonder how I would respond? Would I be able to let go and let God have His way? Would I be able to say all of Him and None of me. Would my God recieve Glory in my responses to life's issues? I only pray He would. He is so deserving of all I have.

Just pondering and praying and trying to please my God. Lord, help me.

Giving up again!

Updating a blog on a regular basis is obviously NOT one of my skills sooooo perhaps I will get back to it but for now? Not so much.

The Cruise, The Job, That is the Question.

Seriously, does it just always pour when it rains or what?

For 25 years our lives moved along fairly smoothly with few bumps in the road (just normal happy bumps, at least 6 of them! Okay that last little one took her good ol' time getting settled in here in the real world.) and a few not so happy bumps, but others have tread these waters, we can too. Money troubles pass, sickness gives way to health or renewed energy to deal with continued poor health, one house with 3 tiny bedrooms gives way to the "dream house, 4 bedroom colonial with an inground pool on a cul de sac (okay dead end but we loved it) and then came 10 years of fixer upper and that house was gorgeous so what to do? Put it on the market and move to the country (ha!) make that the McMansion in the suburbs. We really do not care who doesn't get it or thinks it's ridiculously large (let them try to live with 4 and 5 kids in a house!) or whatever they think when they visit the first time and within minutes say (so. . .what did you say Mark's does for a living?) Folks, that just isn't being suttle (how DO you spell that word???) anywho, life is good. And? We love our home. And I think I've already mentioned my man's excellent employment history and advancement through the ranks. Yes, indeed life is fine. Even church issues have calmed down. THAT was a super tough road to walk but knowing God was in it all? My HOPE was truly never shaken, my walk? Maybe, my Hope? never. God is good all the time.

What in the world did That diatribe have to do with a job and a cruise? HA!

Life was about to get unpredictable for sure. As the calendar ticked down to the take it or cancel it date for this wonderful vacation (as in, no tickie, no ride on the fancy boat, tickie now? no refund later kinda thing) the job was still being tossed around ever so slowly. Would Mark stay at the bank with buku vacation days and flexible time off making the cruise easy enough to take or would the new job come through before/during/after the cruise and how would that play out?

And the economy got worse. I probably should have been inserting that phrase into the whole storyline every 2 sentences or so. But then I would have had to mention aging parents health concerns, swine flu on a cruise to Mexico, and impossible odds of getting any information ahead of time from the job front.

I believe at one point Marks's words to me where something along the lines of "There is a hurricane coming and you are planning a picnic" Not the kindest words but he got his point across and his frustration level with where our lives currently were. I had my cry and prepared to give up my "dream vacation" I had been actively planning for close to 6 months. I knew peoples names we would cruise with. I was in charge of things. We had signed up for Fish Extender Gift Exchange. . .I had purchased foraml wear for kids. HUGE SIGH There would be vacations again. We could always visit uumm, I don't know, isn't this where we started? I Guess we will just stay home. thud. slam. ouch. ok.

It was not until I had nearly given up, the week we had to make a payment beyond deposits and not turn back that Mark began to ask questions and realize this was not going to happen for this price ever again. And that the pediatrician really did think it was okay to take Jillie on this cruise and she would not die of swine flu And that our parents would probably live out the week we happened to be in the middle of the Carribbean. And. . .

The job came through BUT no idea when we will get a start date. Are you kidding me? A call to the contact person who dealt with vacation time revealed he could actually request off before he even had a start date!

No way it would be the exact week they wanted him to start right?

We took the plunge and paid our bill. WE ARE GOING TO CRUISE (picnic remember?)
The economy (hurricaine remember?) actually looks a bit more promising (at least in our house, WE ARE LEAVING BANKING)

And I just have to say here. I never prayed and stayed quiet so long over almost any other decision we had to make that involved that level of money, time, etc. Okay, there was the weeks without a car for the last 2 months of pregnancy but that was years ago. HA!

Sometimes, I guess guys just need to think about stuff instead of hear us talk about it ya know? Okay at least my guy does.

So I will go ahead and type it.

The old job ended and the new job started and we had one fabulous vacation in the exact middle of the two! Isn't God awesome to make it all work out that way? Yes, it was crazy hectic, yes it was insane scheduling, yes, I thought it was lousy timing in a lot of ways and yes, it still all worked out.

More later! My insomnia is receeding and maybe I can sleep now!

Vacation? We are pros!

It all started back in January over our dinner table. We always try to ask the kids where they would like to go on vacation that year. We are indeed a blessed family as we usually get to travel and be away more then once a year but that's getting off topic!

We have taken vacations to the Southeast so many times (hey, it's cheaper then most places to go and near home and there is plenty to see and do) So we had that coverd. Literally MD to FL. check, been there done that.

North East? Pricier but we had fit in a few trips up that way too. PA to Bar Harbor, MN check.

We have vacationed in the midwest. totally awesome 2 week road trip. I think we can still hear "On the Raod again" in our brains as we moved from hotel to hotel for 14 nights. Big shiney arches? check. Those big guys carved in the rocks? check. Mountain goats? check Painted rocks and Red Rocks, and things that looked like rocks? check.. Mountains that define splendor? check. Miles and miles of nothingness to get from place to place? check. The biggest Visa bill we had ever seen? check! The memories? check check and double check.

How about TX and the deep south and TN mountains? check check check.

We finally realized there are just a few areas we had missed. New Mexico/Arizona, the whole of California (well, Mark and I spent a week in CA sans kids and had a blast flying in and out of Las Vegas and driving across that part of the dessert) OR Washington State and parts of the North West ? All very interseting options!

So I set off to research such a trip for our family of 6. I quickly realized it would be a duanting task. For one, transporting a family of 6 all the way across our lovely continental US of A is both , very time consuming and very expensive. Not much of either left once you arrive! huh.
We could fly, we could drive, we could cut some stops out, we could pair down our goals, we could go to just one place. . . seriously it was such a discouraging prospect. And the numbers where down right scary, like 5 digit scary or very near to it!! UGH!

We actually have a go-to plan when we want to make everyone happy, stay a little closer to home, and be fairly budget minded. No one believes us but Walt Disney World is one of the cheapest vacations we can find! We have been to WDW close to 20x in the past 25 years. However, my current two teenagers? Actually asked for something different this year. Did I really burn them out? Oh heaven help me if I did, Disney is my happy place. Maybe 3x in one year was a bit much. . . not for my youngest two, they would go back at the drop of a hat! They love it. HA!

BUT Disney was out for this year. The other part of that dinner conversation we had? Someone (not mentioning any names here) mentioned cruising. Mark and I have long wanted to try that out. The teens agreed it might be fun and different. Maybe I could look into that.

After I became discouraged with my land based vacation, I turned to researching cruising. Can I just stop for a minute and say? I love the Internet? And search engines and forum boards and and and all the readily available information at your finger tips? I dream of being a travel agent or a real estate agent or okay, well, I like pretty fun things!

So. yes, moving on! So many lines to choose from, so many prices, so many places to go. So many decisions. We settled on a Western Carribbean Itinerary as Mark has had opportunity to visit Grand Cayman for work (yeah, I know, poor banker just doin' his job) but I was not able to go along and was bummed about it! He was excited to show us what he had loved so much!
Lots of WCarrb. Itin's also include Mexico. How fun! We have never been out of the country except Canada when they almost didn't let Kiley come home with us . . .oh , sorry 'nother story!

so okay then! I was finding repeatedly which cruise lines were kid friendly and which ones where not so much. Can you guess? Do I even have to say? Disney is cruising the Western Carribbean this year! Let me request a quote for this cruise right away! The best of both worlds. The big kids get a cruise. The littles get a touch of Disney and the Mouse! I waited patiently for my quote to come back. Then not so patiently. Finally, I get the email! I open it up and what do I see? $10,878.40. What? That price does not get us to the Port in FL, it does not include any of the tips and extras you have to pay. . . I was heartbroken. No way we can come close to affording that. I left it alone for a few days, then I thought, I am a great bargain hunter, I can do this. I just need more facts. The next time I requested a quote? I had more information, best times to sail, which cabin to select, etc. This time my number came back at $7,432.40 . UGH! We obviously just can't afford this. Or maybe I just needed more information. Enough already, I will just say this: $5,266.40 (what's with the 40 cents anyway??) $4.211.40, and it just kept coming down! It was the end of season blowout spectacular! Who cares if we have to cruise during hurricane season? Who cares if we need to drive to FL and not fly? Who cares if we can't have a window in our cabin?

WE ARE GOING ON A DISNEY CRUISE FOR A WHOLE WEEK!

No 2 or 3 or 4 day weekend cruises for us. No party cruise lines for us. No gambling and unacceptable stage shows, no sirree! We are going on the top rated cruise line sailing for families and even couples without children prefer it over most other lines!

I am estatic and dig in to real planning and learning the ins and outs of booking, paying, lingo, oh it just goes on and on forever and what an education I am getting.

Opps, forgot one thing. Need to have a discussion with the hubs. Might want to let him know what I've found. And ummm, yeah, maybe what I have booked. . .

Valentines Night seems like a good time don't you think? yes, well true love wins out over his shock that I had actually booked this and as he hears all about it, he is thinking it sounds good too. I still can not believe he is "onboard" with my plan! So we discuss what about if this job comes through? Well, we have time to worry about that before the cancel without penalty date.

Woo-Hoo! Up next? The plans take shape! And so does the new job!

So yes, it is true, I am the worst blogger ever and am over feeling guilty about it! I just commented on a blog I normally only breeze by occasionally and realized it linked her to mine (opps! Hi Joy if you hop over) . How embarrassing as I only blog for my personal need to recap my days sometimes! hehe.

So maybe I will recap tonight as I seem to be to tired to move from this stool! When did I give up my lovely big office to my 2 teenagers and become relagated to the kitchen counter with this old laptop?

Anywho, I really have absolutely no time to be on here but I am one tired girl tonight and doubt if I bother to move much more would get done anyway kwim? The drama, the stress, the general chaos of our lives right now is overwhleming to put if mildly.

A huge "season of life" is about to come to a close. Mark drives to VA (south of Wash DC) tomorrow to get his final clearance and begin (finally~ more on that in a minute)what is to be his new job. Although his last day at "The Bank" is not until this Thursday's exit interview.

Mark has worked for Wilmington Trust Company for 25 years. I like to say the Bank had him before I did! Ha! We celebrate 25 years next fall! He has completed this season of his life. Is he sorry to be going? Not really. He is ready for a change. It has been a good ride, from college graduate in an uncertain economy (much like todays) snagging a decent job with a big name bank after looking and looking and looking . . .to Senior Vice President with way to many perks and benefits to list over the years, the bank (and my hubby)have been an excellent provider and Mark has enjoyed his job and the people he has worked with. He is ending well. He will be missed. It makes me proud to be able to say those things. He is a faithful man in all he does. I am a blessed women to have him.

So many have asked, then why leave? Why not just coast on into retirement from here? It is difficult to explain; when you know God is affirming something and no matter how you want to run from whatever it is, He keeps opening some doors and closing others? Well, let's just say, it was clear, the time to go, to move on was now.

As of tomorrow my husband becomes a Government employee. The Federal Government that is. Specifically? He will be working for ODNI. (Office of Director of National Intelligence) He will be working with IARPA. Gotta love the Gov't and all their initials and abbreviations. He is very excited to take on this new challenge! I have watched his whole demeanor change. He is excited to be going. He is looking forward to new opportunities. He is beginning this job as he did his first with a passion to learn and grow and make things happen. Again, I am so proud of him. I am also terrified for him! HA! What good wife would not be?! He faces a HUGE commute. We are not planning to move. This was a decision we made as a couple/family before he ever even applied for this job. He faces a much different working environment. Top secret security clearance anyone? He is a much more experienced, more seasoned employee but he is still going to be the new guy on the block. Never the easiest. I will be praying for him as he goes.

And as I am left. There. I said it. This is just as huge for me as for him in many ways. When Mark and I married I had no idea what to expect. We made it through. We faced lots of changes, lots of kids, lots of successes, lots of failures. We did it all and we carved a path for our family. And yes, I know we will continue to do so and this is just the next big thing. BUT but but, it is dang hard for me! The comforts of familiarity are gone for now. The certainty of what to expect is gone for now. The man who worked 15 minutes from home, (worked being a relative term as some would say "bankers hours" are hardly work. . .hehe) will no longer be able to drop everything when a child falls and meet us in the ER or when a robber breaks into our home, he will no longer arrive before the police (yes! this really happened!) . He will no longer be able to make every 6pm dinner or 7pm concert or meeting at church. We have talked about these changes and have together agreed to them. I have tried to mentally prepare myself to go it alone when I need to do so. I am trying to let go and let God figure it all out and know He is sufficient for and in ALL. Mark and I have a strong relationship but I know it will be tested. New demands on both of us from completely different directions will need to be met and accomplished. Our children still need both of us. That has never been a difficult thing. It will now need to become more intentional and planned.

So yeah, changes are a no longer coming, they are here!

What does one do to transition from one career path into another? What does one do with unused vacation time that must be used up or lost in transition? What does a family do that is looking into a future of changes and less time together then they are used to having? What indeed.

If I could only have seen the handwriting on the wall. God knew I believe and with quite a bit of effort on this Mamas part (funny but true) He has allowed a long dreamed for vacation to come to fruition.

Here is the time line!

Last day at WTCo. Thursday, Sept 17th. Exit interview complete? 3pm.
Leave for family vacation Thursday, September 17th On the road 4pm.
Return from family vacation Sunday, September 27th
Begin new job Monday, September 28th.

Stay tuned! Family vacation details coming up!